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An Accomplice to Plantslaughter
It's a simple equation, but they don't teach it in math class: Thoughtsy + Plant = Dead Plant OR Thoughtsy > Any Plant's Will to Live
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Make the World a Cooler Place One Popsicle at a Time
During our no-AC-heat-wave the other week, I was extra cranky. Which meant I ate a lot of chocolate. Starting with a chocolate leftover from Valentine’s Day: I had to lick the wrapper clean because the...
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You’ve Got to Bat Your Eyes…Like This
When I heard about a salon's special on eyelash extensions, I thought: Perfect! Now I won't have to use mascara. Woo-hoo for 3.14 extra minutes of sleep! Sweet!
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Are You a Giver or a Taker?
It’s my birthday month! That’s right. Birthday month. This year I’ve decided to take whole month. Mainly because Kiefer will be on travel on my actual birthday day. (Is “birthday day” redundant? I...
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Help! I’m Stuck in the Bathroom and I Can’t Get Out!
Finally...a house with my very own bathroom.
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Only You Can Prevent Firework Fires
Other than a few people, most of my coworkers know very little about me. I like to keep my personal life separate from my work life. I wish work would show me the same respect and only send me...
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Welcome to the Gun Show
Recently, I’ve been pondering something, and I’ve come up with two hypotheses: Sexual harassment has scared people so much they’re afraid to compliment a woman’s eyes, hair, etc. I have the arms of a...
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Take That, Lady-Who-Called-Me-the-Town-Whore!
One day you're the townwhore, and the next day you won't even show an ankle.
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5 Days Post Halloween and Only 387 Pieces of Candy Left
Kiefer and I always take a “cut” of Boo’s and Radley’s candy on Halloween night. Because I feel guilty, my cut is about 5 pieces from each boy, and it’s dark chocolate or candy that they don’t like....
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Hello, IT Help Desk? My Computer Is About to Explode
If you've never had to call a Help Desk, this is summary of how that goes....
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Santa Put Me on the Nice List This Year
I just wanted to show off a few of my favorite Christmas gifts. Exhibit A: Giant Candy Bar* *I don’t have a picture of this. Maybe it’s because I keep forgetting to take one and I don’t want to wait...
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Don’t Upset the Snow Pajama God
Let me be an example to the rest of you. This is what happens when you anger the snow god.
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My New Car Is Every 16-Year-Old Boy’s Dream
I got a new car, and it's a chick/boy magnet. I'll be knocked up in no time. Oh...wait....
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Applying Lyrics From the 90s to My Life: I Saw the Sign
Please excuse me while I get super duper corny.
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